I am depressed, and I have absolutly nobody to talk to about this and need to deal with it myself?

Question

Im 12 and im depressed. I cannot tell ANYBODY because my parents react badly to this stuff and they have their own problems right now. And we cannot afford therapy.
I constantly have feelings of depression, boredom, worry, regret, anger, loneliness, hopelessness, and sadness. Im making mistakes more often than I used to and I REALLY hate making mistakes. Im weaker, more tired, sometimes dont eat to much and at other times eat EVERYTHING. Im having trouble concentrating, even on my ADHD pill and Im beginning to worry about what others think of me because I have noticed lately people seem to try and avoid me, get angry at me easier, dont listen to me, seem to be bored with me, and very often people cut me off when im talking. When im happy, im usually EXTREMELY happy for a VERY short period of time like 8 minutes and im thinking everythings going to get better from here and then something happens, im ticked off or insulted, and im depressed for a few more days again. I cant tell anybody in real life and my online friends say im hopeless. I sometimes have feelings of worthlessness, and not to much motivation to do anything anymore. I worry and panic alot sometimes, but do pretty good covering it up. I have a bad habit of taking my right hand wrist in my left hand and gripping it really tight when im feeling to strong of any negitive emotion, and its hurting my hand and screwing up my piano practicing and classes. (I dont really like piano but when I screw up there everybody acts like the world is about to end till I play better.) My sleep is screwed up and im tired throughout the WHOLE day, and its ruining my performance in school and other aspects of my life. I have some HUGE test coming up in the spring, *God knows what its for* and I dont think im good enough in the math test to pass! *I was told if I fail this crud they are going to "take action" and that means drama and I HATE drama.* I used to be really motivated for everything and now I could care less sometimes. And dont tell me that its a part of life or growing up or something. I have seen other kids who are "growing up" like me who arent dealing with the same crud. And if its a part of life, I would rather not live life. And I havent gotten my period yet so dont say its all that emotional stuff.
Well can you help? I cant tell ANYBODY. Any answers that say I tell somebody WILL BE IGNORED. Im stuck here, and yahoo answers is sorta my last chance.

Answer 1

You sound like a normal kid to me, except your attitude could be a lot more positive.



I have the same problem from time to time. I put perfectionistic expectations on myself and everyone else and then feel hurt when they can't live up to them. And I get angry with myself when I can be perfect at everything. So I end up feeling mad, sad, and bad most of the time. Cause no one's perfect.



I get to thinking I should be able to master anything, and right away, or else it's a stupid idea in the first place - like math, or golf, and piano lessons - I wish I hadn't quit. I over-concentrate on details and can't think through the process fluidly. Overanalyzing ruins a whole day, or whole years, and careers. I catch myself now, and get out of my head and try to relax.



It takes practice but I learned Rule #1: Don't sweat the small stuff. And Rule #2. It's all small stuff. I know it takes work, but learn to enjoy your life.

Answer 2

You actually sound extremely intelligent for a 12 year old. Maybe this is why you are so depressed. You think about things a lot more than people expect you too and so they treat you like a much more simple person than you are.



You still have 6 or so years before college and you can turn ANY problems around by then. When you get to college you are free of parental problems, you'll be able to focus on piano and what you like. You sound like you actually have a bright future, but are simply disappointed that things aren't working out now. Being tired is part of depression and anxiety is a cause of depression. That would fit with the panic attacks.



You're way too mature for the age group you are hanging out in. Maybe you need to simply pursue your own interests more and find a group related to that. Maybe find a good mentor?

Answer 3

Hey. No, you're not a psycho. You're a human being, a vulnerable one. I can understand how you feel - no, really I can; at least part of it. I like someone who I don't think likes me, and there's not a damn thing I can do about it, either. I also have very poor self-image, and have gone through counselling more than once. This guy was incredibly insensitive to have laughed when you told him about your rape - I'm so sorry you had to go through something as terrible as that. It probably hasn't helped your self-image. It might sound harsh, but are you sure you can carry on liking someone who does this to you? I think you might be better off spending that energy on yourself, and taking care of YOU. Have you had counselling for any of your problems? There ARE people who will take you seriously, but you need to look in the right place. I'd advise going to the doctor, or at the very least calling some helplines. You sound so desperate, but also like you would have so much to give someone who was mature enough to love you the way you deserve, so don't consider cutting off your life like that. Other people have made you feel the way you do, but it doesn't have to last forever - with the right help, you can climb out of this pit and start being happy. Don't for one moment think that anyone else, including this lad, is more 'valuable' than you. You are a human being, and just like anyone else, you have the right to be happy and to get the most out of your life. Tell people - parents, elder family friends, sympathetic teachers, counsellors, doctors, psychologists - what you're feeling, and get the help you need now. There are loads of services that have been set up for people like you. All you need to do is acknowledge that you are a thoroughly deserving case who should take advantage of them. Please, don't do anything drastic. Go and talk to someone every time you think you might. Keep helpline numbers handy for lonely moments, but get yourself into counselling as well. Take care, and hope this is of some help. I'm sorry this lad and the world has treated you so badly, but I can tell you that not everyone will. Good luck!

Answer 4

Hi Lolly.....i'll bet that if you read your letter again, you'll see that there's a cycle that keeps happening. My guess is you need something to break that cycle....you need something that builds your confidence and brings you joy and a feeling of satisfaction. But what that thing is up to you to decide. Try to really look deep inside you and find what makes you happy to do and put your mind to it to do it. It could be sports, painting, drawing, writing.....or any of a million things, but rest assured there IS something you like to do and will do very well at. If you focus yourself into that one thing, you'll regain your confidence, because what's truly important is for you to find happiness within yourself, and no one can do that but you. I wish you all the best....and take life one day at a time...don't try to worry about everything at one time....solve one thing and move to the next. You're not alone....most of us have gone through the same thing from time to time. You just need to truly discover who you are, and not what you want other people to think you are. Best wishes to you.